The Idiots: Rabid Fangirls Alert!
by Nush
Summary: It's just another day for Cid but his day takes an onimous turn when fangirls strike...


**Disclaimer:** Booya! I don't own-a nothin' in tis story eh? I think-a you get the idea now. Thank you! Nush loves you!

**The Idiots: Rabid Fangirls Alert!**

"ARGH!" came a piercing scream from the back garden at Cid's house. Cid cursed under his breath, rushing out into the garden. "What the '$(&($$£ is wrong!" he demanded fiercely.

Aeris grabbed his arm, escorting him back inside the house, bolting the back door shut. "Um...you know...um..."

"Well!"

"You know that Shera packed her bags and left...and now you got me serving tea and washing clothes..." Aeris bit her lip nervously, putting her back against the door.

"How the hell can I not remember? Damn bitch. She started sayin' how she can't take my shoutin' an' swearin' no more! Stupid bitch I don't even (&$&()&& swear that much! And?" Cid raised his eyebrows.

"Well...all of a sudden after she left, there's been these strange protesters outside Rocket Town." She gulped.

"That doesn't sound THAT bad..."

"BUT IT IS!" Aeris grabbed Cid's gloved hands dramatically. "IT's...t-t-t-"

"SPIT IT OUT WOMAN AND MAKE ME MY GODAMN TEA!"

"It was those VincentxCid fangirls!" She finally spat out, before rushing around hammering doors and windows shut with nails, a drilling sound shook the house as she secured the window. In that five minute rush, she even created a fangirl exit out of the town.

"WHAT THE-" Cid was for once, lost for words. It took him a while to trully grasp what Aeris meant by this, but then his eyes widened. "THEY THINK I'M-" he screeched, running to the bathroom to cleanse himself of this horrible image of him AND Vincent...in that way.

Aeris petted him sympathetically. "Hey! Everyone gets it pretty bad! I mean in Midgar I ran into these crazy fangirls who liked me and Tifa together!" she shivered, recollecting that dreaded memory when she was assualted by a mob of CloudxTifa fangirls and a mob of anti-Aeris people, thank Holy she had a giant watermelon to bowl them over with.

Cid shruddered. "For real? You got mobbed? When the hell did all these fangirls pop up?"

Aeris launched upright, surprised. "You've missed out! You see..."

Hours and hours went past with Aeris explaining the world of fangirls that started to invade Midgar, with their own communities and their fanart, couplings and their whole insane world that was tormenting the cast of this world. Aeris concluded with a firm shake of the head. "Ick...I didn't think you'd attract fangirl attention like THAT!"

Cid buried his face into his hands. "Don't &(£&&($ remind me!"

Then to mark their dramatic apperance, there were furious knocks on the door, with the click of the doorknob twisting.

Outside there were at least around five hundred plus in the mob of VincentxCid fangirls -and boys- with their banner, joyfully knocking on the back door. Some were even cosplaying as Vincent and Cid! "VALENWIND! LOVERS FOREVER!" they shrieked in delight, one girl carved it with her car keys digging deep into the heart of the wooden house. "LOOK AT MY NC-17 FAN PICTURE!" one squealed, all the Valenwind fans took one glance and squealed an annoying high pitched "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!" Some fangirls started to crawl onto Cid's house roof, drumming the tiles with the base of their banners in an irritating rhythmic way.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Cid and Aeris yelled in unison.

The Valenwind fangirls listened in silence. "CID! IT'S REALLY CID!"

"But..." gasped one fan dramatically. "THAT WASN'T VINCENT!"

"Ooooooooooooooooooooh!" frowned the fans, raising up their pitchforks and torches in an angry chant. "WE WANT VINCENT!"

"Huh?" Aeris squirmed, her eyes widening. "What the hell do THEY want?"

A stone smashed through the wood nailed to the window. "WHAT! I secured the windows! How does that make sense?" her question was answered by the horrific grinding sound of the drill that was drilling its way through the window.

"SHIT AERIS! You were right! These fangirls are CRAZY!" Cid turned to her. "Okay...they're pissed because you are not Vincent..."

"R-r-r-r-r-right!" Aeris' voice wavered, she backed away as fangirls hands stretched through the window cracks.

"Then we gotta do, what we gotta do." Cid looked at her. "You gotta dress up...as...Vincent!"

Dramatic orchestral music blared out, as a stunned Aeris stared at him. Aeris stomped her foot down. "CAN YOU STOP THAT DAMN MUSIC?" She threw a death glare at the orchestra who had made themselves at home in Cid's bedroom, they replied to her with a shrug.

"YOU WANT ME TO DRESS AS A VAMPIRE WANNABE WHO RECITES TIFA POETRY!"

"Gothic poetry too!"

Aeris hissed. "No way Cid!"

"YOU WANNA GET OUT RIGHT!"

Glass smashed and the fangirls were still drilling, and the ones perched on the roof started to sledgehammer through the roof.

"OKAY! I'LL DO IT!" a defeated Aeris hung her head in shame.

Minutes later, she was dressed in a long black wig with the head band, with all of Vincent's trademark clothing and claw, they had got in within five seconds from an emergency message to Ebay. Plus Aeris got brown contact lenses, so her eyes were now a chocolate brown colour. Aeris awkwardly shuffled her feet, with a piece of gothic poetry in hand that Cid and her wrote in five minutes.

"Oh man..." she burrowed her frow, seething.

"SHIT!" he hissed, grabbing Aeris' hand. "Now try an' act coupley...God I'm gonna regret this shit!" he squeezed his eyes shut.

The Valenwind fangirls threw a chair through the window, peering in to see Cid and "Vincent" grinning widely, romantically holding hands. The fangirls squealed alarmingly, with their cameras in hand clicking random snapshots of the extremely awkward "couple".

"Ohmigawd! How cute!" said one to another, who nodded like a broken puppet.

"Yep yep!"

"Why don't you guys KISS?"

"Wha-" hissed the two, glancing at each other wide eyed.

"KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!" the annoying chanting continued in what seemed like a permenant loop.

Cid looked at "Vincent" wincing, before they reluctantly kissed each other passionately.

"WOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the fangirls estastically jumping around like rabid monkies.

"Vincent and I hav' gotta get GOIN' now!" Cid then grabbed "Vincent's" hand, when suddenly "his" hair fell off. The Valenwind fans gasped, perplexed. "OH NO! VINCY HAS LOST HIS HAIR!" squealed the dumb fangirls in panic. A smart (nooooooo!) fangirl squinted, raising a pointed finger. "THAT'S NOT VINCENT! It's that goody-goody Aeris!"

There was universal gasp from the mob, when they withdrew their Valenwind shrine, replacing their shrine of joy, with a shrine of fury. With their sharpened pitchforks and their flaming torches, the smart one hissed: "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AERISXCID FANS!" she wheezed and had a heartattack.

"WHO SAID WE WERE A COUPLE ANYWAY!" Aeris answered back, with a raised fist.

A lone AerisxCid fan punched weakly into the air. "Yay." she chirped dully.

The Valenwind fans seethed viciously, as they started to rip apart the lone Ceris fan.

"Now's our (&$$&&(& chance! To the &$& HIGHWIND!"

They reached the Highwind, where they met a mentally scarred Yuffie, Cloud, Barret, Cait Sith, Red XIII and Dio. Tifa and Vincent were disco dancing on a random floor that popped up. "Vincy isn't this cooooool?" cooed Tifa, wiggling her hips.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" Cid asked.

"DON'T ASK!" Cloud buried his face into his knees, bawling.

Yuffie reluctantly explained. "Cloud got assualted by all these scary CloudxTifa, CloudxZack, CloudxSephiroth and even CloudxDio fangirls!"

Cloud bawled harder into his knees.

"YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD IT BAD!" Aeris shivered, pointing to Cid. "I never knew there was such thing as VincentxCid!"

Everyone screamed in terror, Vincent giggled furiously. "HAHAHAHHA! WRONG! It's TifaxVincent forever!"

"That's right Vincy!" Tifa winked, as they wiggled their bottoms to the beat of the cheesy disco music.

"That's the only true thing he ever said..." Cloud and Yuffie nodded in unison.

Cait Sith bounced up and down in a furious frenzy. "CID! DO SOMETHIN'! The anti-Cait Sith peeps are tryin' to break on board!"

"&$$(()& ALRIGHT!" Cid barked, lighting up a cigarette.

Soon the Highwind got moving, the anti-Cait Sith fans jumped up with their swords in great sorrow and the Valenwind fangirls were still killing that AerisxCid fan, obilvious to the Highwind flying off into the far distance. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now what?" Red XIII said, flicking his fur over Tifa.

"EW! STOP THAT!" Tifa cried.

"We can always fly up here forever! Unless these crazy fans learn to pilot, then well...we're okay!" grinned Cloud, nodding at the marvel of his amazingly awesome plan.

"ARE YO' SOME DUMB ASS?" Barret said, raising his fist. "Highwind'll run out o' fuel someday foo!"

"SHIT!" cried Cid, spitting out his cigarette.

"It's those damn Tifa and CloudxTifa fangirls!" Cait Sith cringed, blowing his nose.

"DAMNIT! WHYYYYYYYYY!" Cloud ran away screaming into the back room somewhere.

Tifa waved to her fans, beaming proudly. "YOO-HOO! It's really me! Tifa Lockhart!"

Cait Sith felt a evil grin cease his cute face. "Why don't you greet 'em personally Tifa?" Tifa glanced at the fans down below who squealed in their unique fangirl ways. Cait Sith then shoved Tifa out (and Vincent followed Tifa wherever she went) of the Highwind, and into the mob of fans. Tifa waved at the fans as they sharply reached out to grab each of her arms.

"MINE!" said one fan.

"MINE!"

"TIFA IS SO HOT!"

"HOT!"

"CLOTI FOERVER!"

"YEAH!"

The fans started to tug her arms viciously.

"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Tifa dumbly, raising her eyebrows. "It tickles!" Her last words before she was ripped apart by the fans, who bawled their eyes out along with Vincent who was approached by the Valenwind fans and dragged back across to Rocket Town. (Well at least the Cloti fans got half each!)

"DAMN IT! STUPID TIFA!"

Cait Sith tried to resist bursting into fits of laughter, Tifa had been bashed again and that made anti-Tifa fans VERY happy as they sat around a huge table down in the Kalm area and drank lots of canned cool beer.

"So what now? We can't fly forever!"

"Sure we can it's a fanfiction!"

"Oh yeah!"

"What about the fangirls invading the world?"

"Maybe we can come back in a sequel and kick them outta our world and maybe put them in that crappy FFX world Spira instead!" Cloud suggested smartly.

Everyone shrugged unconvinced. But they soon remedied that with beer all around for everyone served by Dio in a nurse uniform.

"Hey..." murmured Cloud, throwing Aeris -who was still dressed as Vincent- a perplexed glare. "WHAT'S with your get up?"

Aeris smirked, before falling on her back, reading out the "gothic poetry". "Oh...I am a vampire wannabe. Hold me close Tifa, my gothic lover! Drown my sorrows in a ditch, for Tifa is my bitch!" she mockingly parodied Vincent, causing everyone to burst into a cruel fit of laughter.

"That was a CHOSE SHAVE huh guys?" said Cait Sith after rolling around in fits of giggles, his speech being followed by a cymbal clash to express his pun.

An awkward silence followed. No-one laughed at his joke. "I don't get it." Yuffie said inbetween coughs.

"Oh c'mon guys! That was my moment of comic relief! Aeris got a comedic moment! No fair!" Cait Sith huffed, crossing his arms.

Dio shook his head. "That's how it is and that's how it goes my boy!"

**END!**


End file.
